


Look at me

by FuckinNameChoise



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-19
Updated: 2015-05-19
Packaged: 2018-03-31 06:36:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3968122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FuckinNameChoise/pseuds/FuckinNameChoise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tumblr prompt: Lizzington- Jealous Red<br/>I was planning to do the typical ‘he sees another man flirting with her’ kind of thing but then my brain had other ideas… This got out a little out of hand...<br/>Set after 2x22. Red finds out about what she did with Tom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Look at me

It had been a month.  A month since his Lizzie’s face had been put up next to his as the fifth FBI’s most wanted.  A month on the run, sort to speak.  It had been blissfully quiet. No Cabal, no taskforce looming over their shoulders. Liz and Red knew that this quietness will soon have to end, that they would be forced to start moving again.  Forced to leave Red’s wonderful secret villa and start working on bringing the cabal down once and for all. The journalists were doing a fine job of weakening it, making people start to open their eyes and see what had been standing in front of them for so long. But it wouldn’t be enough. Red would have to step in again at some point and put the full force of his resources to work.

But for the time being he could relax, knowing that both the taskforce and the cabal had too many things on their hands to start hunting for them any time soon. He estimated it that they still had at least two more months of freedom. Two more months of quiet evening strolls around the property, delicious dinners cooked by him and questionable breakfast made by Lizzie.

Their relationship had progressed to a certain degree. They talked more freely with each other now. Red no longer afraid of Liz finding out the truth and Lizzie no longer doubted Red’s intentions.  He knew it was selfish to want more of her, that he should be grateful for her companionship. It was more than he ever deserved. But still, every night she said goodnight and went to her room leaving him alone in the suddenly cold living room to finish his drink, Red had to fight the urge to follow her. He had to stay there with the now bitter taste of scotch on his mouth until he could trust himself not to enter her room, not to make and advance that would be surely more than unwelcome and would probably leave him with another pen in his neck, or something worse. 

So he kept quiet and still, counting the hours until sunrise. Desperate to see her sleepy face again as they ate the slightly burned toast and too sweet coffee. 

He would have to be happy with what he got. It was more than enough really. And he was happy and grateful.

That was until he called.

How he managed to get a hold of his new number Red isn’t sure he’ll ever know.

“I want to speak with her.” There was no question as to whom he was referring to.

“I’m afraid she’s not home at moment.” Red’s tone did not betray the rage he was feeling at the interruption of his happiness. “I would offer to take a message but we both know I wouldn’t give it to her anyway.”

“You can’t hide forever you know.”  His grip on the phone got tighter, he didn’t need a reminder of how much time he had left before he had t start working again. “You both will have to get back at some point and when you do, I’ll be waiting for her. And she will come running back into my arms again. Satisfy my curiosity will you, did she tell you she slept with me that day? How she planned to go away with me?”

“If I’m not mistaken she is here with me right now.” Red could feel the hold he had on his temper weakening every second. “Didn’t work out to well for you, did it?”

There was a deep chuckle at the other end of the line.

“Oh how the mighty have fallen.” A tsk tsk sound followed the words, as if addressing a small child. “Tell me, how does it feels to know that she is only with you because she needs to hide. It must be eating you from the inside, knowing she is using you, and the knowledge of your devotion to her advantage. But I think I pity her more than you. How awful it must be to be in the company of an old man while you crave to be in the arms of a far younger, better looking man.  I can still hear her moans you know? As if it had been yesterday, her begging for me to-“

Tom’s words were cut off as Red threw the phone against the wall. Red had always been proud of his anger management , never letting his temper run free, but having all his insecurities thrown in his face had made him loose all sense of  control he had acquired over the years.

After seeing the phone turn into pieces Red grabbed the crystal vase next to him and threw it against the wall too. He felt at small sense of satisfaction at seeing all the glass shards flying around, some of them sinking into the exposed skin of his arm, but Red was blind to physical pain at the moment, it was all a mere shadow to what he was feeling inside. Other things followed the vase. Some of them made of glass, other of wood or even silver. Nothing was safe of Red’s rage. Thing after thing got broken against a wall or with his bare hands.  There was no telling anymore.

That was how she found him half an hour later. Broken furniture and decorations all around him, blood seeping from the cuts around his body, his forearms and hands were the worse. Even though she was facing his back she could see that the once collected man was gone, replaced by some sort of stranger.

“Red what the hell happened here.”  He turned around so quickly Lizzie feared he might lose his balance.  His face was flushed with anger, his eyes full with rage and was that sorrow? “Red…”

“You got a call today.” His voice was the only thing that did not betrayed the state he was in. “I would give you the phone so you could call back but I’m afraid I may have broken it.”

He didn’t need to say who had called her. Only one person could have made him lose control like that, and only with one way.  All the blood drained from her face, the shame she had felt them moment the act had been done came back to her in a rush. And what was worse, he now knew. Red knew what she had done.

 “But you probably already have his phone number, don’t you.” A humorless laugh left him and it was the ugliest thing Liz had ever heard. “You probably call him every night.”

She moved to touch his arm but he recoiled as if burned. She tried again but this time his hand circled around her wrist in a tight hold, stopping her.

Liz looked into his eyes and saw all the hurt he was feeling reflected on them. He was looking at her too but his gaze was not focused, it was almost as if he was not really seeing her. The hold on her wrist got tighter and tighter until it was barely unbearable.

“Red, you’re hurting me.” He didn’t listen to her, still lost in whatever hell he had found himself trapped in. She tried calling his name again, this time louder, and it worked. His eyes lost the frozen look they had had moments ago and he looked at her as if first noticing she was in front of him. She saw the moment he notice the pain he was causing her with his grip because his eyes filled with panic. He let go of her hand and start walking backwards. She could see how he was having trouble breathing and realized he was most probably having a panic attack. She needed to get to him and she needed to do it now.

“Red.” She said in the gentlest tone she could muster. “Red, Look at me.”

“Don’t get near me.” He pleaded with her, retreating further back with every step she took in his direction. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

She kept slowly walking in his direction until his back hit the wall. She internally cringed at the look he gave her, like he was a caged animal. She never wanted to look Red that helpless again, she never wanted to see him in such state of distress ever again. She vowed to herself then and there that she would do everything in her power to keep Raymond Reddington from feeling like this again.

“Red, you could never hurt me.”

“But I-“

“I know.” She placed both her arms around him and pulled him towards her, he resisted at first but after a moment he relented. His whole body was stiff as a board and his breathing was ragged.  She started to mover her hands up and down his back in a soothing way. Little by little she felt him relax, his head coming to rest on her shoulders. After a while she placed her hands on his shoulders and pulled away a little to be able to look at his face. He averted his eyes and started to do that little crinkling of the eyes he did when he was seconds away from crying, as if he needed glasses.

“Look at me please.”  For a moment she believed he would just ignore her request but just as she was about to took his face in her hands an make him look at her, he turned his face and his gaze met hers.  “I want you to know that there is nothing in this world that I regret most than sleeping with Tom that day, or ever for that matter. Whatever things he told you, whatever things he made you believe after that were a lie.

“I chose you Red. Not because I needed you but because I wanted you.” His eyes winded comically at that. “I want you still.”

“Lizzie I…” He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, willing the words to come. “I’m sorry.” _Sorry for lashing out, sorry for hurting her, sorry for doubting her._

Instead of answering him with words she decides to something completely different instead.

She closed the space between them and lifted her head, meeting her lips with his. He stands still for a moment before responding, his hands moving on their own accord to her waist. They stand like that for a while, neither willing to be the one to pull away first. When they finally separate both of them are breathing heavily. Their foreheads are touching and they are looking deeply into each other’s eyes, both of them aware that they are past the point of all pretence now and both of them happy about it.

“We need to get you cleaned up” She says after a while. He just nods as continues to look into her eyes. “And then we need to discuss why it is not a good thing to break every piece of furniture and the rest.”

That emits a laugh out of him, his eyes crinkling with happiness.

“I never much liked this room anyway.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I may do a smuty-follow up. I'm not sure... What do you think?


End file.
